Summer Sky.

The Summer sky brings the heat upon us, toasting our skin,
The sun's giving too much,
But it shines beautifully against your hair,
Revealing your honey-auburn shrieks,
Reflecting off your bronze dipped skin

You're beaming with joy,
Letting the sun seep into your pores,
Letting bugs fly through your hair,
Enjoying the Summer sky,

You look so graceful as you walk along through the grass,
Spinning and twirling like a ballerina,
Breathing in life,
Enjoying what the day brings,
It feels like Hell out here,
But you make it all like Heaven.

It's Lethal.

Breathe in.
Swallow it a little.
Breathe out.
Let the lethal posion be exposed to your lungs,
Let it buzz your mind.
Calming, isn't it?
What was once livid anger is now appeased sanity,
It only takes one to get hooked,
One.

Once you're hooked, you crave them.
Like you're a vampire desiring the taste of human blood,
You may even have dreams about them,
 When nothing else in the world can calm you down,
They can.
It's kind of a shame,
Once was sweet is now bitter,
You use to have an antidote,
But now you have your own designer toxin.

Adolescence

Is there a reason?
Or is this inexplicable?
We tread on the tarmac leading us to God knows where,
Where ever you go,
Don't let them appraise you,
Be conclusive to any doubt they give you.

I know you loathe the mistakes you've made,
You live, you learn,
Inhale it all in,
Let it race into your head, pulsing vigorously,
The exhale it all out,
Push it all, force it,
Like an enormous wave crashing into the shore,

Paint that gorgeous smile on,
Colour your cheeks, rosy pink,
There's always a reason,
But somethings are inexplicable,
Don't try to fathom it,
It was always incomprehensible,

Now is your chance to a new beginning,
Undergoing adolescence,
You might not even understand yourself,
Just keep treading and revving through the mishaps thrown at you,
You'll discover something greater than yourself.

A One Time Thing (You Whore)

As the days go by your always so alone,
You try to avoid sleep and avoid the next day,
The next day is just a reminder of all the dries and screams, you're too isolated.

Your heart hardly seems to ever beat,

You're living the best life without a soul,

You get so bored to the point where your up for anything,

Oh, you no-good, dirty-please breaking hearts to the floor.

You're stares abuse me,
The slightest touch digs in my skin;
By the time our lips meet I'll probably be dead.

Oh he's just playing hard to get...
Or it was just a one time thing and know you're a whore.

Little Ole' Me

Little ole' me...

Little ole' me...

Last time I looked right into your eyes I had died a little inside,

Little ole' me,

Brush my cheek,

Brush my cheek,

The room was bright,

Your hands in mine havin' a good time,

Brush my cheek

I was sitting on your lap, 

You' were exploring my body,

No words were being said,

But our eyes kept on sayin' I want you,

I want you in my bed

I want you against me

Now God hates me,

God hates me,

But he kept on tellin me that you weren't worth a dime and I should just walk on by...

God loves me.

2-20-95

Dear Kurt,

Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You.
Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You.
Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck 
Fuck you. 
How could you do this to me? To Francis?! We fucking love you, but you had to be a selfish bastard and throw it all away! Did we mean absolutely nothing to you?! What about your music? Your fucking fans? You fucking lair! You wanted to be huge and famous, you wanted to be a fucking rockstar, you wanted a family, then you fucking shoot yourself?! You know how agonizing it was to walk up into our greenhouse and see you...dead? Lifeless?! No offense, but you looked fucking gross. Paler than ever, pasty-green, bloody- and lets not forget that little fragment of your skull with your hair and brain shit all over it. Then to fucking cremate  you? Then see all your fans crying their eyeballs out in pain? Kurt, why couldn't you just listen to Dave, Krist, Eric and all the others? And me?! We wanted to help! We got in distress seeing you taking heroin and over dosing on the middle of the fucking floor!
WHY COULDN'T YOU FUCKING STOP?! YOU KNEW WE FUCKING CARED! YOU KNEW YOU WERE HURTING US AND YOUR FUCKING SELF!
But none of that was good enough, not even your own fucking daughter. That's all she'll ever probably know. For all I know, she'll think she wasn't good enough to have a father in her life. All she'll know is that her Daddy was this famous rockstar "icon" addicted to drugs then killed himself!
See what you do to me? All I wanted to do was be the greatest female guitar player and marry someone with a rockstar with a great fucking nose and....FUCK!!!
I knew you didn't love yourself and you probably never would, fucking excuse me for thinking me and Francis love would've made up for that,but it didn't.

Where ever the fuck you are...
Fuck you.
I love you.
Francis loves you.
We love you.

Hate, Courtney

Every Time...Only With You.

Every time I look out the window and see the rain violently tapping the road,
I think of you.
How you would've held me like I was endanger and caress me as the rain gently kisses our thirsty skin,
How you would've reassured me by whispering words of sweet melodies in my ear over the chaotic, but faint drumming thunder,
How you would've looked in my eyes, traveling them down my temple like you're looking miles ahead at a mountain as if the striking lightening didn't exist,
How you would've cradle me as I were a crystal diamond or a precious new born baby breathing in life for the very first time,

Every time I look out the window and see the rain violently tapping the road,

I think of you.

The late night fantasies we shared and promised to keep a secret without promising at all,

The restless nights,

Hardly any sleep and trying to recover from it in the morning,

I look out the window today thinking everything's okay.

But then I think of you.

What's Wrong With Heaven Tonight?

I think we made the Angels mad,
Heaven can't seem to stop shedding tears,
Nor can they stop banging on their majestic clouds,
What in God's name is that flashing bolt?

Are they taking their anger out on each other?
No they can't be.

They're obviously taking it all out on us,
Every little bit of their grief, sorrow, self-pity, frustration and solitude,
They're throwing it down on us,
On everybody.

Why?
To teach us a lesson?
Perhaps some sort of vengeance?
To let us know how it feels to give so much to a person and to find out it's all been wasted?

I really dunno,
It's sure no heaven on Earth tonight,
The place we are suppose to call God's creation is now...
The Devil's Chamber.

Swan.

I thought I knew you.
Compassionate, carefree, loving,
Always adored by the other flocks,
Wanted, desired, envied,
I wanted that.

You portrayed a beautiful, alluring swan,
Barely touchable,
I, by your side was a gloomy ugly duckling,
Utterly shunned.
I wanted to be...you.

But now I know what you are...
Impulsive, frantic, unholy,
You're a vulture,
Feeding off of the flesh beneath you,
The flesh of those who cannot recuperate themesleves from harms ways,
You're a vulture feeding your flock with lies and others secrets.

I know who I am,
I'm the fucking swan,
Graceful, kind, intriguing,
Your mesmerizing charter was just a distraction to the foolish eyes.

Make Love

Lets make love,
I don't want to have sex,
I refuse to fuck,
I want to make love.

I want the window slightly open,
So the rain and thunder can ooze into the room,
Creating a blissful, desiring mood,
Under the creamy, silk sheets.

Your strong, tender arms to grip my curves, gently,
You board, chiseled, Greek-God body over me,
Protecting me from the worlds cruel antics,
My hourglass body is shown to you, more divine than ever,

Please, Love- Don't make a fool of me,
Caress me,
Hold me,
Thrill me,
Cherish me,
Love me shamelessly

Speak words of holiness,
Touch with appreciation,
Seek with fascination,
I am yours and you are mine.

Let the rain be as blissful as a joyous smile,
Let us make love for those who don't know how.

Seasons of Love.

Maybe you love me,

Or maybe I'm hearing you wrong,

The touches that were suppose to heal bruise violet and scar,

There's no kind of science that can analyze what we had created,

So we'll leave every question unanswered and put in a grave.

And we'll never know what it's like in the Spring,

Winter was so cold and too bleak to be free,

Maybe Summer will be better when all the flowers have blossomed and the sky is crystal clear,

But then everything slowly fades and dies when Fall is near.

Patience, My Dear.

My Lord, My Savior,
God knows that I'm trying to be patient,
God knows I'm waiting for that moment,
The moment when everything is suddenly clearer- or so that's what John Lennon thinks,
The moment when I've fallen in love.

I've thought I loved once or maybe twice,
But I was only infatuated, more so with the idea than the person,
God knows I'm trying to be patient,
For someone to approach me, witty, charm, irresistible smile,
Eyes I could float in, since I struggle  to swim,
Hand that can heal and not bruise,
To look up to the sky, sun descending with cotton candy clouds,
Violet horizon.

Run the city streets, rushing past the lights and cars and buildings and people,
To go to concerts, breathing in everyone's excitement and energy,
Cherishing every second as the sound thumps against our hearts,
Traveling throughout our bodies,
To cuddle with,
Sharing smiles,
Shedding tears,
To have laughs with.

To sit in silence and not expect each other to say anything,
Because the moment is already beyond perfect without needing to say one word or sigh one sigh,
To even think about the flaws we have are fine,
Cause that's what makes us who we are,
God knows exactly want I want and need,

I can be patient.

If You Only You Could.

I wish you could appreciate the music I listen to,
The music I cherish and analyze,
The music I stay up to all night,
The lyrics sing words I've always wanted to say, but never had to courage to,
Or to say the things I wish I had thought of first.

Sometimes the words feel like they're only being sung to me,
Not the audience they perform it for - just me,
Like the song or even that whole album was made just for my hollow ears to hear,
For my muffled voice to scream and shout,
The chills throughout my spine I get...

I wish you would come to a concert with me,
Put down that Ipod filled with all that artificial shit,
Hear the real deal,
Drums, bass, guitars,
Raw. Bare. Naked. In-Your-Face. Real.
Heaven.
Fell the crowds excitement, love, appreciation,
Fist in the air,
Jumping without a care,
Singing along.

Being that close to the people who got you through your most difficult times,
The background music to your happiest moments - It's indescribable
I want you to feel all of it,
Feel it all with me...


But i'm not stupid.

You'll never appreciate the music I listen to and how much it means to me.

2-23-11

I awaken at dawn,
Eyelids struggle to stay up,
I almost walk blind,
I slip into my dingy clothes and sear shoes.

The Queen hardly gives me any altercations,
She has belittled me, disdain me,
For I am infamous,
As her disobedient servant.

"Your work is TEDIOUS!", she hollers.
Her voice is filled with venom, ready to attack.
"You shall be fain to do anything I bid you to do! You shall NEVER defy me for I shall banish you from this Palace and my imperial grounds!"

I loathe her voice,
her voice speaks words I despise,
I despise myself for abiding her voice and stifle words.

I depart from her chamber into a dark hollow,
I knell by the grimy walls,
I purify the floor for the ones whom walk with Reign in the palm of their hands,
The one with Reign upon them will never understand the anguish thrusting through my veins,
As a creature of the sea thrust viciously through the water,

They'll never take obituary in my silent weeps of woe.

Herion Diaries

This place is.....
Dark, damp, dirty, dingy,
Everyone's beyond fucked up, doped with God knows what substance,
My skin...damaged, broken, dry
I look at you with this syringe, it's sucking up this disgusting, brown liquid,

You give me a sloppy smirk, your eyes barely open, "Ready?" you slur,
"Uh-huh." I mange to half way groan.
What am I even getting ready for? I think.
You take my arm,
Without warning, you jam the needle into my vein, feeding it every bit, every drop.

There goes that familiar rush.
I can feel the lethal, disgusting liquid traveling through my every vein,
My veins protrude from my skin,
The room is violently spinning,
My eyes flickering.

Tense, yet relaxed,
Paraniod, yet carefree,
My stomach consorts and twist,
My gut tightens and melts all at once.

Now it's done, I'm complete,
Completely a different fucker,
All my henious, anarchy and heartlessness comes from that dirty needle,
Through my veins,
Entering my bloodstream.

Suddenly, everything's...blurry,
My chest constricts as if my lungs will collapse at any given second,
I think i'm suffocating,
I  gasp for air, I try to cough, inhale,
I try anything and everything so I can breathe the oxygen to Earth's atmosphere provides me with.

Here I am, dying,
Fallen on the floor hearing these faint laughters and screams and voices,
This floor is so fucking frigid, piercing cold,
Or maybe that's my skin and body tempature,
Everything feels so cold and icy.

Everything's black.