Summer Sky.

The Summer sky brings the heat upon us, toasting our skin,
The sun's giving too much,
But it shines beautifully against your hair,
Revealing your honey-auburn shrieks,
Reflecting off your bronze dipped skin

You're beaming with joy,
Letting the sun seep into your pores,
Letting bugs fly through your hair,
Enjoying the Summer sky,

You look so graceful as you walk along through the grass,
Spinning and twirling like a ballerina,
Breathing in life,
Enjoying what the day brings,
It feels like Hell out here,
But you make it all like Heaven.

It's Lethal.

Breathe in.
Swallow it a little.
Breathe out.
Let the lethal posion be exposed to your lungs,
Let it buzz your mind.
Calming, isn't it?
What was once livid anger is now appeased sanity,
It only takes one to get hooked,
One.

Once you're hooked, you crave them.
Like you're a vampire desiring the taste of human blood,
You may even have dreams about them,
 When nothing else in the world can calm you down,
They can.
It's kind of a shame,
Once was sweet is now bitter,
You use to have an antidote,
But now you have your own designer toxin.

Adolescence

Is there a reason?
Or is this inexplicable?
We tread on the tarmac leading us to God knows where,
Where ever you go,
Don't let them appraise you,
Be conclusive to any doubt they give you.

I know you loathe the mistakes you've made,
You live, you learn,
Inhale it all in,
Let it race into your head, pulsing vigorously,
The exhale it all out,
Push it all, force it,
Like an enormous wave crashing into the shore,

Paint that gorgeous smile on,
Colour your cheeks, rosy pink,
There's always a reason,
But somethings are inexplicable,
Don't try to fathom it,
It was always incomprehensible,

Now is your chance to a new beginning,
Undergoing adolescence,
You might not even understand yourself,
Just keep treading and revving through the mishaps thrown at you,
You'll discover something greater than yourself.

A One Time Thing (You Whore)

As the days go by your always so alone,
You try to avoid sleep and avoid the next day,
The next day is just a reminder of all the dries and screams, you're too isolated.

Your heart hardly seems to ever beat,

You're living the best life without a soul,

You get so bored to the point where your up for anything,

Oh, you no-good, dirty-please breaking hearts to the floor.

You're stares abuse me,
The slightest touch digs in my skin;
By the time our lips meet I'll probably be dead.

Oh he's just playing hard to get...
Or it was just a one time thing and know you're a whore.

Little Ole' Me

Little ole' me...

Little ole' me...

Last time I looked right into your eyes I had died a little inside,

Little ole' me,

Brush my cheek,

Brush my cheek,

The room was bright,

Your hands in mine havin' a good time,

Brush my cheek

I was sitting on your lap, 

You' were exploring my body,

No words were being said,

But our eyes kept on sayin' I want you,

I want you in my bed

I want you against me

Now God hates me,

God hates me,

But he kept on tellin me that you weren't worth a dime and I should just walk on by...

God loves me.

2-20-95

Dear Kurt,

Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You.
Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You.
Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck you. Fuck You. Fuck 
Fuck you. 
How could you do this to me? To Francis?! We fucking love you, but you had to be a selfish bastard and throw it all away! Did we mean absolutely nothing to you?! What about your music? Your fucking fans? You fucking lair! You wanted to be huge and famous, you wanted to be a fucking rockstar, you wanted a family, then you fucking shoot yourself?! You know how agonizing it was to walk up into our greenhouse and see you...dead? Lifeless?! No offense, but you looked fucking gross. Paler than ever, pasty-green, bloody- and lets not forget that little fragment of your skull with your hair and brain shit all over it. Then to fucking cremate  you? Then see all your fans crying their eyeballs out in pain? Kurt, why couldn't you just listen to Dave, Krist, Eric and all the others? And me?! We wanted to help! We got in distress seeing you taking heroin and over dosing on the middle of the fucking floor!
WHY COULDN'T YOU FUCKING STOP?! YOU KNEW WE FUCKING CARED! YOU KNEW YOU WERE HURTING US AND YOUR FUCKING SELF!
But none of that was good enough, not even your own fucking daughter. That's all she'll ever probably know. For all I know, she'll think she wasn't good enough to have a father in her life. All she'll know is that her Daddy was this famous rockstar "icon" addicted to drugs then killed himself!
See what you do to me? All I wanted to do was be the greatest female guitar player and marry someone with a rockstar with a great fucking nose and....FUCK!!!
I knew you didn't love yourself and you probably never would, fucking excuse me for thinking me and Francis love would've made up for that,but it didn't.

Where ever the fuck you are...
Fuck you.
I love you.
Francis loves you.
We love you.

Hate, Courtney

Every Time...Only With You.

Every time I look out the window and see the rain violently tapping the road,
I think of you.
How you would've held me like I was endanger and caress me as the rain gently kisses our thirsty skin,
How you would've reassured me by whispering words of sweet melodies in my ear over the chaotic, but faint drumming thunder,
How you would've looked in my eyes, traveling them down my temple like you're looking miles ahead at a mountain as if the striking lightening didn't exist,
How you would've cradle me as I were a crystal diamond or a precious new born baby breathing in life for the very first time,

Every time I look out the window and see the rain violently tapping the road,

I think of you.

The late night fantasies we shared and promised to keep a secret without promising at all,

The restless nights,

Hardly any sleep and trying to recover from it in the morning,

I look out the window today thinking everything's okay.

But then I think of you.