7-21-11

I'm standing dangeroulsy close to a
thick, sharp knife.
I'm not trying to kill myself, but
I don't think it would be so
terrible if it happen to stab through my skin.
No,
I don't mean to malice myself,
I just wouldn't mind the pain.
It would sullenly make its way
in and spread throughout my body like
a vicious virus-
It could be worse,
pain is only temporary.
I would know.
I've been bashed with fist
of gruffed words, kicked in the guts because
of my disappointments,
I've dorwned in my own
self inflicted solitude, my vocal cords
have been tampered with becuase my words
aren't superior enough to be heard and
metals and debris weigh down
my feet and my delicate hands, bruising
me lividly,
That's why I don't mind stand dangerously close to this thick, sharp knife,
It could be worse and I've
been through worse.

8-8-11

My scars were stitched shut,

wrapped up in my sleeve and

enveloped from the unknown.

Livid, bleak memories impend beyond

my eyes, circling around me,

taunting me and swearing and

threatening me.

Warm, thick, liquid trickles

down my skin, 

The smell of salt and

rust emerge into the air and then

I can feel it.

Not a sudden, quick feeling but a

sudden, piecing feeling 

one by one, I can feel my 

stitches coming undone

Sluggish, in awe,

Agonsizing,

My skin stretching.

My flesh burning.

My blood oozing.

I can taste it on

the tip of my tongue.

Save Yourself.

We often find ourselves alone,

Drowning in the infinities of our sorrow,

Letting the sea engulf us whole,

Failing to grasp for air,

Failing to writhe from the waves,

Just wanting to float above the chaotic sea.

We expect someone to swim out in the depths for us.

We expect someone to dive below us,

Save us from drowning.

We want someone to be our lifesaver,

But our expectations go unfulfilled.

Reality’s waves-like the seas- crash into us,

Taking us away from the shore,

Swallow us as deep into the sea as possible.

The only one that can save you is yourself.

Bare Your Soul #1

When I looked into her crystal, glassy, brown eyes, I saw every onuce of pain. I was looking into her soul. I don’t know what, how, when or why, but I saw everything. She’s vulnerable-she keeps stitching herself close, but they snap open every time. How she crosses her arms, how she looks else-where, shunning your eyes, how she hesitates to speak-that’s her hiding in her shell. Yet here she is now, climbing out of her shell, shedding off the exterior skin, glassy eyes and all, bare naked. I think she’s inviting me into her soul. I think she wants me to explore every aching bone and heal them. I think she wants me to paint that gorgeous rosy-pink color onto her canvas-cheeks.

She needs me.

She’s scared that I’ll hurt her. I hate knowing that she thinks that. I could love her. Love her like no other. Make her smile, laugh and appreciate life once again. She’s scared I’m just like the others. Lord knows, I’m not. Ever since I saw her-bronze, sun-kissed skin, plump, cherry lips, brown-sugar eyes, a smile that could bring world peace and flowing, black, glistening hair, I knew I could love her-I would love her. And she knew that when I saw her. And now she knows she could love me.

Only When It's Midnight.

I can feel the silk,
'Can taste your cotton candy lips,
See the candles glimmer throughout the room,
'Can smell the musk and roses,
Hear the faint music of our favorite band,
It just hit midnight-our favorite time,
It's a brand new day to start it all again,
My baby angel,
My cutthroat diamond,
I'm your baby-doll,
Cuddle with me,
I'll give you sweet dreams.

You feel my skin,
Can taste the cigarettes,
See the scars stretched upon my body,
You can smell the musk and roses,
Hear our favorite band,
It's midnight,
Lets start all over,
Baby angel,
Cutthroat diamond,
Come grab your baby-doll,
Cuddle with her,
She'll give you sweet dreams.

Wondering, Wishing, Wanting…

Blues, pinks, scarlets and emeralds glimmer above my head
In the darkness that envelopes the emptiness of the four, taunting walls I can’t seem to elude from,
I lay on the fresh lavender and lilies taking in the scent,
Parsing the smell savoring it bit by bit,
I look up into the lights thinking there’s a no better sight,
For I haven’t gotten the oppurinty to explore anything beyond the place I call home,
I strech my head to the crystal glass,
The moon as high as the most graceful bird can fly,
Wondering, wishing and wanting to look at the view from another region where thrills,
Beauty and enthused turmoil occur,
Wondering, wishing, wanting…

Fuck You, Fear.

Warm, fresh tears engulf my eyes,
I sit here without a cause,
Without a purpose,
My fear has become reality,
I am nothing.

What I had made me feel acknowledged and sincerely desired,
I remember feeling the fear creeping up on me,
Knowing it was hiding in my shadows,
Lurking beneath me,
Stalking my inner sanity an soon enough,
The fear captured me,
The fear had intruded my mind, soul and heart,
It crawled through my veins and dragged itself upon my skin,

And now?
Well, the fear has won.

It had spread,
Not only invading myself,
But to the one thing that made my world worth living in,
That made myself feel ignited and as powerful and passionate as a raging fire,
The fear got to the one thing I genuinely cherished and treasured and it sickened their insides,
Invading them as it invaded me.

And now?
They're gone.

Now i'm sitting in my deserted, bleak world letting the tears escape my eyes,
Trailing down my bitter skin,
Mending with the bleak ground,
I am infinitely nothing,
All thanks to fear.